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So, trying on wedding dresses. Looking at them on ebay. Being in a crowded BridalMart with about twenty other hopefuls. Every one of whom wants the same thing, to feel like a princess and look stunning. All the ebay adds promise the dresses will make you look like a princess. I'm getting weary of it. I know the part of myself that thinks I'm secretly a fairy princess is very immature and lives in fantasy. I guess I thought it was mostly my shit and also kind of cute. But having this "princess" culture everywhere makes me more cynical. My 5-year-old neice has "princess" accessories in her room and occasionally wears her outfit to the store. It's all play-acting. I don't want my wedding to be play-acting. I don't want to be a clone, either.
It's getting harder to smile when trying on the dresses. Luckily I don't have to mess with it again until December. I'll be thinner by then, so I'll at least get some pleasure out of that.
It's all just class fantasy, really. The train announces to the world that you're rich enough that you can let your dresses get dirty. The white dress only became popular after Queen Victoria, all the rich girls wanting to look like her while all the poor girls still wore their best dresses to church and that's it. I am, essentially, pretending to be rich. Maybe not. Maybe it's saying that this day is important enough that I'm giving it my all and making sacrifices for it. Not sure.
In further delusions, I got my teaching evals back from spring and they all suck. I got really low scores especially on relevance. How can postcolonialism not be relevant? I really don't understand that. Sigh. I do so much better teaching majors. The majors love me. Some of them, anyway.
It's getting harder to smile when trying on the dresses. Luckily I don't have to mess with it again until December. I'll be thinner by then, so I'll at least get some pleasure out of that.
It's all just class fantasy, really. The train announces to the world that you're rich enough that you can let your dresses get dirty. The white dress only became popular after Queen Victoria, all the rich girls wanting to look like her while all the poor girls still wore their best dresses to church and that's it. I am, essentially, pretending to be rich. Maybe not. Maybe it's saying that this day is important enough that I'm giving it my all and making sacrifices for it. Not sure.
In further delusions, I got my teaching evals back from spring and they all suck. I got really low scores especially on relevance. How can postcolonialism not be relevant? I really don't understand that. Sigh. I do so much better teaching majors. The majors love me. Some of them, anyway.
