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Jonathan Livingston Seagull
Jan. 14th, 2006 09:11 pmJonathan and I finished a flying lesson and he told me, "You need to keep finding yourself, a little more each day, that real, unlimited Robin Seagull. She's your instructor. You need to understand her and to practice her."
I wonder what the "real, unlimited" Robin would be like? J says it probably means not reacting based on neuroses, not out of fear. I think if I were practicing my fullest, freest self, it would be someone who isn't afraid of outer influences. I often inwardly flinch when strangers talk to me. I'm afraid of them impinging on my mental space, of influencing me, of wanting something from me that I can't give. I frequently avoid reading books and watching movies because I'm afraid of their influence. I want to get my own thoughts out first. I like the feeling of escape I get when reading, but I don't want to be kidnapped and unable to return. Sometimes my existence feels so tenuous that the least thing can threaten it.
Today I am trying to practice. I went to the gym with J and we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Tomorrow I'm going to watch Hotel Rwanda. (Gotta build up to that one.) This evening I'm going to read one of my library books so I can be closer to returning it. I'm slowly working on catching up on email and reading livejournal posts.
The real, unlimited me wouldn't be bound by physical limitations and would have unlimited energy. That's going to take a LOT of practice to get to.
I wonder what the "real, unlimited" Robin would be like? J says it probably means not reacting based on neuroses, not out of fear. I think if I were practicing my fullest, freest self, it would be someone who isn't afraid of outer influences. I often inwardly flinch when strangers talk to me. I'm afraid of them impinging on my mental space, of influencing me, of wanting something from me that I can't give. I frequently avoid reading books and watching movies because I'm afraid of their influence. I want to get my own thoughts out first. I like the feeling of escape I get when reading, but I don't want to be kidnapped and unable to return. Sometimes my existence feels so tenuous that the least thing can threaten it.
Today I am trying to practice. I went to the gym with J and we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Tomorrow I'm going to watch Hotel Rwanda. (Gotta build up to that one.) This evening I'm going to read one of my library books so I can be closer to returning it. I'm slowly working on catching up on email and reading livejournal posts.
The real, unlimited me wouldn't be bound by physical limitations and would have unlimited energy. That's going to take a LOT of practice to get to.